


A Sword, A Little Bit Of Magic, And A Whole Lot Of Pizza

by DumpsterDiving101



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: AU, Alternate Dimension, Alternate Universe, Amazingphil - Freeform, Dan - Freeform, Daniel Howell - Freeform, Fantasy, Fluff, Light Pining, M/M, Magic, Phandom Reverse Bang, Phandom Reverse Bang 2017, Phil - Freeform, Pining, Pizza, Portals, Potions, Prophecy, Serpent, Witches, danisnotonfire - Freeform, prb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2019-02-03 17:36:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12752997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DumpsterDiving101/pseuds/DumpsterDiving101
Summary: When Dan and Phil are following strange dark creatures that appeared out of nowhere in London, things go wrong and they end up being sucked into an alternate dimension, where magic exists and they must find a way to use it in order to contain the creatures before they completely overrun this new world. Warning: contains the use of ‘spork’ as an insult, the destruction of a perfectly good library book, and questionable pizza physics.





	A Sword, A Little Bit Of Magic, And A Whole Lot Of Pizza

**Author's Note:**

> This story was made in part of the phandomreversebang, based on [these](http://myawfod.tumblr.com/post/167578684271/this-art-is-for-the-phandom-reverse-bang-check) art posts by @myawfod, and edited by @smiles-are-toxic! Make sure to check out the art before reading!
> 
> My tumblr (where I post most of my writing) is [here](https://dansphlevels.tumblr.com/), and you can request a fic [here](https://dansphlevels.tumblr.com/ask)!

In the corner booth of the pizza parlour sat two boys. College-aged, maybe a bit older. They talked quietly over an already half-eaten pizza. They blended in just fine with the other customers in the shop, save for the fact that they smelled a little off. But they knew that they didn’t quite belong. These boys weren’t from this city, or even this country. In fact… these boys weren’t even from this dimension. 

And this is where our story begins. Two boys, in a pizza shop, with hardly an idea how they got here and no idea how to get home, but some idea of why they’re here. But I suppose, in order to understand fully what’s going on, we have to start at the beginning. 

\---

“Come on Phil,” Dan muttered quietly, crouching as he crept along. “I think I saw another one.”

“Dan, are you sure? I'm not sure if…”

“Shh! Phil, look!”

They peered over a large tank of something, careful where they stepped. The warehouse was a mess, with pipes and tools scattered aimlessly. One wrong move would knock something over, and the creatures not thirty meters away would spot them.

Phil rested his hands on the tank, which hummed underneath him. The factory, however disorganized, was active.

“What do you think they are?” He whispered.

Dan narrowed his eyes, trying to make out the dark figures in the minimal light. They were as black as shadows, from what he could tell, so that they blended in with the shadows of the surrounding machines. But through a large hole in the ceiling, the moonlight shone through and gave them some form.

Shadowy, scaly limbs, tendrils of darkness swirling up towards the light. Their eyes were gold, huge and reflective. They were truly creatures of pure terror.

“They look like the guy in Death Note,” Phil suggested helpfully. “What's his name? Rick?”

“It's Ryuk, you spork. And he was a death god; these are clearly monsters of some kind.”

Phil scowled, pouting. “I think they look like Rick.”

“Ryuk!”

One of the creatures growled gutturally, whipping around in their direction. The two boys ducked, breathing shallowly.

They waited in silence for a few seconds. “You think he saw us?”

“Oh my gosh Phil, stop assigning gender to this creature just because it's scary! For all you know, it's a ‘she’, and you just hurt her feelings!”

The monster growled in anguish as if to emphasize the point.

“See? Rebecca’s upset!”

Phil peaked over the tank, finding Rebecca in the darkness. “I think she's more of a Becky.”

Becky’s glowing eyes locked on Phil, and she let out a horrible wail, causing Phil to stumble back in surprise. “She's calling for backup!” Dan stage-whispered, horrified.

“Um, Dan?”

“How many of them do you think there are? I see at least five, but it's hard to make them out!”

“Dan!”

Dan spun around, “What?”

Phil gestured to the contraption behind them: a mass of tubes, all connecting to one central control panel in the center. All the lights on the panel were glowing.

Dan's eyes widened. “Phil…”

“I didn't mean to! I just… tripped!”

“You klutz! How many did you press?”

Phil chewed on his lower lip. An alarm started going off, whirring loudly in warning.

“Phil!”

“Most of them!” He confessed. “Not all of them! But most! Dan, we need to get out of here!”

The monsters wailed in agony at the noise, writhing in agitation. A pipe burst, spraying them with some sort of watery substance.

“Dan, come on!”

Dan held up one hand silently. “Wait. Watch what's happening.”

Another pipe burst, and then a third, showering the creatures in blue foam and brown sewage. “That's disgusting!”

Becky let out a wail that tore through the entire factory, causing the foundation to shudder. She stomped, and a thin tube burst, mixing with the chemicals already on the floor and exploding in a blast of white light, throwing Dan and Phil backward.

Phil landed on the floor roughly, sliding back to hit his back against a machine. “Dan!”

“Over here!”

Ignoring whatever was going on at the site of the explosion- clearly, the monsters had more important things to focus on than two puny humans- Phil ran over to the site of Dan's voice. He'd landed in a mass of broken piping. “Are you okay?”

Dan brought his hand to his head, touching carefully. His fingers came back reddened. “I hit my head. But it's not that bad, Phil- look.”

Phil turned around, looking where Dan was pointing. There was a gaping hole with a mass of swirling blues and purples where the monsters had just been.

All the monsters had been sucked in, all except Becky. She whined, backing up against the machines.

“A portal,” Phil whispered.

Cracks spider-webbed across the floor. The entire building was shaking with the power of the portal, the winds from it almost too strong.

“Come on Dan, we have to go!” Phil tried to pull Dan up, but the boy wasn’t thinking about escape.

“Phil… we don't know where that portal is going. The monsters…”

“Dan, come on, we need to leave!”

Dan cast one last glance at the portal- wistful, almost? —and stood. “Okay. Let's go.”

They turned, and the floor crumbled beneath them. They shouted in surprise as the portal engulfed them.

\---  
They landed on grass that looked soft but was as hard as pavement upon impact. Phil groaned. “ _Ow._ ”

He looked up, just in time to spot the last of the dark creatures disappear into the shadows.

Dan grunted. “Well, that was fun. Where-” he sat up and stopped mid-sentence.

They weren't in London, that much was obvious. In fact, it looked like they weren't even on Earth anymore.

“It’s…erm…” Dan mumbled. Phil could only nod, awestruck as he took everything in. They were in a park, in a big city, bigger than London even. Skyscrapers reached up, trying to grab the misty clouds that floated by in the lilac-pink sky. Huge serpentine creatures seemed to swim in the sky, writhing gracefully like eels in the ocean.

“It's like New York,” Dan realized aloud. “But... on drugs.”

He wasn't looking at the sky. Slowly, Phil allowed his gaze to lower, taking in the brick and glass apartment buildings, then the trees, which were green, yet seemed to glow a faint blue, like they were radioactive. Lower still were the sidewalks where people- and Phil used that term lightly- walked. They'd been to New York before, and if you didn't look too closely, this place didn't look much different. People in New York dressed weirdly sometimes, but this... was a little different. Phil spotted pointy witch hats, top hats, hats with strangely lifelike horns protruding from them. Cats walked freely through the throngs of people, most of them with stark black fur. A woman and man kissed on the corner, and the woman dropped her purse. Instead of falling, it stopped, levitating in the air patiently.

Phil swallowed hard. “I don't... think we're on Earth anymore.”

\---

It took about three days for them to adjust to the new world. They slept in alleys and ate out of trash cans, until the second day when Dan went out for a little while and returned with a cluster of wallets. “Pizza money,” he explained with a devious smile. 

There were libraries, and banks, and cars and busses. There were pizza parlors and tall buildings that reached for the sky. They were significantly lower than the skyscrapers in New York, Phil decided, but with a similar structure. He and Dan could go about their business under the radar. The people and creatures that lived in this world were all so strange that no one bothered to question the two boys, even if they were a little unkempt. 

The world was strange. Besides the humans that milled around just about everywhere, there were a lot of creatures that they'd never seen before. Lots of cats- many of which seemed obsessed with Dan, following him everywhere- and almost all were black. They sometimes appeared seemly out of nowhere. Many women walked around wearing all black, with large, pointed hats on their heads and hefty purses. Sometimes the cats appeared from under their skirts, scurrying out and running to catch mice. 

There were also lizards- or something like lizards. They were the shape and size of lizards, except they had rubbery bats wings, barely large enough to support their body weight in the air. They ate small bugs and pieces of human food and were eaten by moths the size of baseball hats. 

Dan didn't like the moths. Out of all his courage, his bravery that had led them to this world in the first place, he was terrified of moths. Go figure. 

A few times, they saw the dark creatures that had led them to this world. Maybe ‘saw’ wasn't the right word- they saw places where shadows were darker, dark swirls of black in the distance knocking over trash cans or eating cats. The creatures had a strange quality to them like they had a different filter on them than the rest of the world. One thing was clear- they didn't belong here. 

But what were Dan and Phil to do? _They_ didn’t even belong here.

\---

"The tourist’s guide isn't very helpful," Dan noted. "I think it's in Chinese." 

Phil was only half listening, skimming his fingers along the spines of the books that lined the library shelves. The shelves were packed impressively tight, like there were twice as many books as there was space, which was ridiculous, as the library seemed to go on endlessly. "Mm-hmm," he mumbled. He pulled over a book at random, the books immediately slamming together, closing the gap where it had been. Phil eyed the books suspiciously, but didn't question it. "'Chapter One: Feeding and Watering Your.... Manta Jay?'" He read from the book. 

"It must say 'manta _ray_ ,'" Dan corrected, still looking through the illegible tourist book. He sniffed it longingly, sighing in delight. "It has that new book smell. God, I love that smell."

Phil chose to ignore Dan's weird sniffing. Ignoring Dan was actually one of Phil's most impressive talents. "No, 'manta jay'. Is that a manta ray, like a sea pancake, but... it has wings and eats berries?" 

"Or maybe it's a bird, that has through weird flappy swimmy things," he suggested. "Like, a blue jay with no feathers, just skin." 

Phil cringed. "It says here to feed your manta jay 'assorted fish and nuts. Trail mix and salmon is higher recommended.'"

"Too weird," Dan decided. "New book." 

Phil went to put the book back, but with a quick look at the shelf, it was clear that wouldn't be an easy task. Instead, he set it on top, patting it slightly awkwardly, and going to get another one. 

He trailed his fingers along the spines again, waiting to find one that stuck out to him. His fingers had just closed around one when behind him, a book practically jumped out, knocking him in the back of the head with a _WHAP!_

Phil yipped, collapsing to the ground, his hands covering his head protectively. "What was that?!"

"It was a book," Dan walked over, eyes wide. He picked up the book, trying to open it, but it didn't let him. "It's stuck!" 

"Let me." Now standing (and blushing), Phil reached for the book and opened it easily. He glanced at Dan. 

"Don't you say a thing," Dan warned, his cheeks warming up as well. "I may not be very strong, but I can open a freaking _book_." His cheeks just grew redder as Phil didn't respond. "Well? What does it say?" 

"It's... a guide to magic." Phil read quickly, his shoulders tensing. "'Only some people have the capacity to use magic, and everyone's abilities are different. You may be able to use potions, but not cast spells, or vice versa. And of course, you may not have an aptitude for either. You can find out online with our immediate magic aptitude test for a small fee of 29.99....'" He trailed off, skipping ahead a few pages. “Oh look, this is inspirational. ‘The first step to being a good magic user is believing in yourself. The rest comes after.’”

“That’s nice,” Dan commented, bored. “Does the book have anything else besides inspirational quotes and online surveys?”

Phil flipped ahead a couple dozen pages, stopping at random. “Here’s a recipe for a potion. ‘The Cure of Desperamos is a potion made for making invisible or hardly visible creatures visible.’”

Now Dan was interested. He moved over, peering over Phil's shoulder. "Where do you see that? The page is blank." 

"Huh?" Phil looked up, looking confused. "No it's not. Look: 'The Desperamos potion is made for making...'" He read the line again, this time underlining it with his finger. "See?"

Dan shook his head. "I don't. It just looks like a blank page." 

"Guess we need to make the potion so you can see the words," Phil joked. "All we need is.... ‘4 oz of Jupiter's Solvent, a chopped source of tears, and a pinch of gourd, and tine and nage and stoke’.” He blinked, reading it again, this time the full recipe. It said:

_For this potion you will need:_

_4 oz of Jupiter's Solvent_

_a chopped source of tears_

_a pinch of gourd, and tine, and nage and stoke_

_Mix them together until they croak._  
Chop them up with which berries and kale dance.  
Use 10^-2 meter wavelengths to turn it balmy  
And then screw it all, for the powder palmy 

"Yeah, okay, I think it might be more difficult than that. I don't know what any of those ingredients are. Or how to make it.” Phil glanced around, checking for librarians before quickly tearing the page out, shoving it in his pocket.

"Phil!" Dan accused. 

"It's cool!" Phil defended. "And who knows? Maybe we can find... whatever the heck a 'Jupiter's solvent' is. It could be useful." He nudged Dan playfully. "Maybe we could use the potion to find your self-esteem." 

"Or my dignity," Dan added dryly. "Still...." he shrugged, letting it go. Phil went to put the book away, but Dan quickly stopped him. "Wait! I wanna sniff it!" 

"You're so weird!" 

"I don't care!" Dan ripped the book from his hands, inhaling through his nose deeply. "Oh yeah. Old book smell. Almost as good as new book smell, but dustier. Here, sniff it." 

He all but shoved the book in Phil's face. He sniffed quickly. "It smells- ac-hoo!" He sneezed, and Dan yelped. "Sorry! Bless me!" 

"The book!" Dan was saying. Phil wanted to roll his eyes, when he looked over and realized that the book was burning in Dan's hands. He dropped it, stomping on it. 

"How'd it catch on fire?" Phil looked around rapidly, but there wasn't a candle or lighter anywhere around.

"It's because you sneezed!" Dan accused, stomping out the flames. 

"What?!"

"I don't know how, but as soon as you sneezed it set on fire-" 

A librarian walked over, and stopped when she saw the commotion. Phil, looking a little nasally, and Dan, stomping on a book. She went to step forwards, the shook her head, turning and leaving. 

"She must think we're crazy." 

"Well, you. You're assaulting a book. So mean Dan, what did that book ever do to you?" 

"Hey you're the one who set it on fire!" 

"Am not!" 

"Are too!" 

"Am n- achoo!" He sneezed again, even more forcefully than last time. 

They looked around worriedly. No fire. "See?" Phil defended. "It's not-" 

A few feet away, the carpet sparked and caught ablaze. 

They put out the fire, and hurried out of the library with only the page from earlier. Phil felt horribly guilty about setting the book on fire, but he also didn't want to go to some weird magic prison, so they booked it out of the building. 

As they sped walked along the streets, Phil sneezed a few more times, lighting more fires along the way. "Stop it, will you?" Dan warned, grabbing Phil's hand to pull him along. Phil almost jumped at the contact, his cheeks going red once more. 

"I can't!" He defended. "I think I inhaled a bunch of that dust into my lungs!" 

"It's magic," Dan decided. "It must be. You heard what that book said, some people can do it. I guess you're one of the people who can." 

"What about you?" 

Dan stopped walking suddenly. "Well... maybe I can."

"Maybe yours is stronger," Phil agreed. "Don't sneeze. You'll cause a nuclear explosion." 

Dan snorted, and they kept walking. Their hands shifted, so they were holding hands more naturally, less forced. Phil wondering if Dan had forgotten. He certainly hadn't- would Dan notice his sweaty palms? He hoped not. 

But Dan's thoughts were elsewhere. They turned a corner, with no particular direction in mind besides away from the library they'd vandalized. "You think you can do more than just sneeze and set thousand year old books on fire?" 

Phil shrugged. "Maybe. Like what?" 

They looked around. Finally, Dan pointed. "Do that." 

Phil looked to where he was gesturing, at a couple kissing. Phil felt his heart jump around a little. "You want me to... kiss you?"

"What? No, look behind them. At the broom. See? It's sweeping the sidewalk, but there's no one there. It's moving on its own." 

"Or there is a person behind it, but they're just invisible," Phil argued. "Hey, we could use the potion!" He looked at Dan, who was looking at him with an annoyed but somehow still sweet expression, like 'that was so stupid but actually kind of could be true, oh my God you're so ridiculous I love you'. But that might have just been how Phil saw it. 

Phil shook his head. "Okay. Right. Let me try. Wait, I need a broom." 

"Just try to make _something_ move. That paper cup, on the grass? Try throwing it away." 

Phil stared at the cup. He narrowed his gaze, trying to focus solely on it. 

Dan brushed against his side casually. Phil wanted to whimper. It was so embarrassing, whenever he was around Dan his heart just seemed to beat faster and his palms were all sweaty and he always blushed and-

"Well?" Dan asked expectantly. "Do you think it'll work?" 

Phil'd forgotten he was supposed to be trying to move the cup. But now he was too distracted. 

He shook his head, standing up fully. "No. I guess I can't do it."

Dan sighed. "Well, sneeze-fires are still cool. Maybe you can tone it, make it so you can set things on fire _without_ having to sneeze first." 

—-

They were making camp for the night when it happened. 

“Final Fantasy is definitely better,” Phil argued, absentmindedly drawing in the gravel floor of the alley. “You can’t even say that Mar-” 

Before he could finish his sentence, Dan had grabbed him, covering his mouth with his hand. Phil made a noise of surprise, and then one of protest, and Dan shushed him quickly. “Look!” His whispered. 

Only a dozen meters away, a swirling mass of shadows lurked, tendrils black as night floating around like the feelers on an ant. Dan and Phil watched in horror as someone walked past, a woman with a black pointed witches hat and dark purple cloak, and before they could call out, the creature struck. The woman was absorbed into the black seamlessly, and the creature slinked away. All that was left was her purple cloak, discarded on the ground.

Dan let go off his hold on Phil, but he didn’t bother stepping away, too in shock. “You don’t think-” 

“It consumed her,” Dan agreed, his mouth open in horror. “That was one of those creatures, wasn’t it? Phil, we have to do something! We have to find a way to get rid of these monsters, before…”

“Woah woah woah, slow down.” Phil stepped away, turning so he could look Dan in the eyes. “I agree that we have to do something, but what can we do?”

Dan was about to respond when his eyes caught onto something. “What’s…?” He stepped forwards, around Phil, and went over to the discarded cloak. He pushed it aside, revealing something metallic and shiny. 

Phil walked over to see what it was. As he got closer, his eyes widened. 

The stared at it in silence for a few moments. Then finally, Dan spoke up. “It’s a sword.”

It was. But not in the typical way. It was a little less than a meter long, and curved slightly, with one sharp side, not two. Phil reached over to pick it up, but as soon as his fingers made contact, he lurched back. “Ow! It’s burning hot!”

Dan seemed to be in a sort of daze, as if his reality was replaced by a daydream. He leaned forwards and trailed his fingertips along the metal, picking it up by the grip. It fit into his hand perfectly. “It’s not even warm,” he mused. 

Dan took a few steps forward and swung the sword. It was a perfect weight, and when swung created a deadly silver arc. 

“You couldn’t read the magic book,” Phil realized. “And I can’t touch the sword… it’s like we’re being pulled in different directions. Magic, and…”

“...and combat,” Dan finished, eyes following the sword with utter fascination. “This sword must be used for killing the creatures. It has to be, it can’t be a coincidence.”

“Um, Dan?”

“What?”

Phil had gone over to the cloak, and picked it up fully, checking the pockets. He pulled out a slip of paper, reading it uncomfortably. “‘This Katana is to be used in the banishment of creatures from a world where they do not belong. To work most effectively, make a clean cut in between the eyes. Works best when creatures whole forms are visible. Warning: not to be used on humans.’”

Dan blinked. “Is that all it says?”

Phil hesitated. “‘Dry clean only,’” he continued. “‘Made in China.’”

Dan swung the sword experimentally, cutting through the air. “I knew we were here for a reason. I need to… to use this sword to banish the creatures back where they came from, before they can… consume too many people, I guess.”

Phil gulped, looking back at the cape on the ground. The witch had had a sword, and she’d been consumed like it was nothing. “And me?”

Dan’s eyes lit up as the puzzle pieces connected in his mind. “You need to use the potion,” he realized, eyes widening. “From the library! It’s used to make things visible!”

“It could be used to make the creatures visible, so you could banish them.” Phil realized. “We can actually do this.”

\---

They were walking around the next morning when Dan almost tripped over a rock. Except, it wasn't a rock.

The thing- whatever it was- looked up at Dan lazily. It was bright blue with the body and face of a turtle, with a rough shell and sagging eye bags. Sharp spines trailed from its neck to its tail, and its feet were like dolphin flippers. 

“Mooooooo,” it whined mournfully. 

“That's the ugliest-” 

“That's the coolest thing I've ever seen!” Phil interrupted, hurrying over to pat the turtle-creature's head. “What do you think it is?” 

“A mistake?” Dan suggested. He eyed it wearily, watching as its head bopped happily with Phil's petting. “Just be careful, it might bite yo-” 

Phil scratched below the creature's head, and it moaned out another moo. “I think it likes me!” The turtle opened it’s mouth, licking Phil’s hand affectionately with a long, purple tongue. 

Dan rolled his eyes but smiled. “Come on. We have to keep moving, every minute we wait the more creatures are getting it on, which means more babies for us to deal with.” 

Phil pouted. “Can't we take him with us?” 

“Him? First of all, stop assigning gender, oh my God Phil-” 

“It's a boy! I'm sure of it.” Phil scratched behind the turtle's ear holes. “I can feel it.”

Dan cringed. “You can… feel it? Come on Phil, let's just go. We can't take him with us, he'll be too slow.” Dan stood, pulling Phil up with him, holding onto his upper arm. “Let's just go.” 

Phil pouted again but nodded. “Okay.”

They started walked away from the turtle. “Mooooo….”

“Don't look back. Just keep walking.”

“Moooo!” 

A loud clopping noise sounded behind them, and they both jumped, spinning around. 

The turtle stared at them sadly. He was almost a full meter closer. 

“Moooo!” Pushing off of all four dolphin flippers, the turtle hurled itself forwards, flopping on the ground and doing it again. _Clop. Clop._

Phil grinned. “Good boy! Good Bessie!” 

Sighing loudly, Dan facepalmed. “I- Bessie is a girl’s name- I just- ugh.” He sighed again. “Phil, can we please just-” 

“Yeah, we can go now! Bye, Bessie!” He waved, and Bessie lowered her head to the ground sadly but didn't try to follow them as they hurried along. “Well, that was cool.”

“That was… just… great.” Dan tried for a smile. “What next?” 

“Well, I need to get the other things for the potion. The Jupiter's Solvent and ‘source of tears’, whatever that means.”

Dan nodded. “Let's focus on the source of tears.” He clicked his tongue a few times, thinking. “Tears like crying? Should Should we find some John Green books to add to the potion?”

Phil snorted. “Maybe. I… I might have an idea, but I’m not really sure? What about… an onion?”

\---

Phil lay on the bed, his head supported by his hands. After their adventure searching for an onion in the grocery story, which had resulted in them being chased by shadow creatures and topple a display display of maple syrup, they'd decided to crack open their funds funds and funds and shell out for a real room, where they could both take a much needed shower. There was only one bed, but it was just big enough for both him and Dan to lay on.

Dan walked out of the shower, a towel draped around his waist. Phil watched him, doing his best to keep his eyes on Dan's face and not any lower. “Hey, Hobbit.”

“I've got a sword,” Dan warned, the threat empty. “Call me a hobbit again and you'll be diced and shish-kababed before you can say abra-” 

“-Cadabra?” 

Dan grabbed his sword from where it leaned up against the dresser, spinning around dramatically- and accidentally knocking over a lamp. Phil laughed as it collapsed to the ground, the light bulb shattering. “Nice Dan. Oh yeah, you showed me.” 

“Shish-kababed,” Dan reiterated, smiling lightly despite the light blush across his cheeks. He pulled up the towel around his waist, holding it up with one hand. “You better watch out. I'm getting pretty good with this.”

“Yeah, I'm really scared, Dan. If any lamps come to get you, they'd better watch out!” 

“Hey, you never know. One of these days it may happen, and then you'll eat your words!” He swung the sword around a bit to emphasize the point, letting go of his towel for a moment to swing the sword like a baseball bat- when his towel fell to the ground. “Oops.”

In synch, the two boys looked down, then looked at each other. Phil rolled onto his stomach, covering his eyes to give Dan some privacy. “My innocence.” 

“Drama queen.”

—-

"Are you sure this is the right place?" Dan whispered, keeping his body flush against the wall. 

Phil shrugged. "Not really. But the lady at the potions shop said that Lady Ember might have it, so we might as well check."

"Why do we have to sneak in? Why can’t we just ask Lady Amber-"

"Lady Ember," Phil corrected.

"Right. Why can’t we just ask Lady Ember if she has the herbs?"

Phil hesitated. "Well... she’s a witch. I don’t know what witches are like in this world, but I don’t know why she’d want to help us. She might not even have the stuff we need. Better just peek in and see."

"You mean break in." Dan blinked hard, looking to Phil. "You want to break into a potentially evil witches house, look for some drugs-"

"Herbs."

"Look for some _herbs_.... and hope that everything just goes well? What if we get caught? Could we be sent to magic jail?"

Phil shrugged. "Maybe. Look, she’s leaving."

Sure enough, a little ways down the street an old woman appeared from her front door, closing and locking it behind her. On her head was a large pointed hat the shade of raisins, and in her hand she carried a large purse. 

“They know their way better than anything else does,” Lady Ember said, talking into her phone. “They are a little shadowy, but I like them. They’re the only beings you can rely on to always follow through on their destiny.”

They waited until she had walked a little ways and turned a corner to move. Then they hurried down the street, trying to run and tiptoe at the same time. "We should’ve just acted casual!" Dan whisper yelled. 

"Too late now!" They got to the door, and Phil tried the knob. "It’s locked!" 

"You don’t have a plan for getting in?"

"Well I’m sorry this is my first time breaking in somewhere!" Phil whisper yelled back. "Why don’t you try, mister 'bad boy'." 

Dan gave him a look, and pulled out his sword. "Watch out. I’m going to break the door in." 

Phil stepped back, and Dan reared his sword back, swinging it like a baseball bat. It clanged against the door, not even sticking. 

"Amazing," Phil complimented. "You should do this professionally, you’re so-" 

"There’s some sort of barrier!" Dan defended, still swinging the sword, it bouncing back every time. "I think it’s magic!"

"Magic? Oh, I can do magic." Phil imagined a ball of fire, making motions with his hands like he always saw in movies, as if he were forming a ball of flames straight from the air. He thrust his imaginary ball at the door, not expecting anything to happen, when they door exploded backwards. 

Dan looked at him with wide eyes. "How’d you do that?" 

Phil blinked. He hadn’t thought that it’d actually work, he was just joking! But it /had/ worked. 

He shrugged. "I told you. I know magic." He stepped through the doorway, trying to avoid the splintered wood. 

"Yeah right. More like you were pretending, and got lucky." 

"I’ll look for the 'gourd' and 'tine', you look for the 'nage' and 'stoke," Phil delegated, happily ignoring Dan's correct assumption. He knew him too well. "What do you think 'gourd' looks like?" 

Dan grunted, stepping into the apartment too. They were in the living room, it seemed, with two flowery couches around a coffee table, and soft pastel wallpaper. It didn’t seem like a place where you’d expect a witch to live. It was more of a place Phil's grandma might have lived. 

The peeked around the living room, but didn’t find anything that looked right. Phil almost thought he’d found it when he found a basket under one of the couches, but it was filled with knitting needles and yarn, not 'gourd'. Unless, of course, gourd was something you’d use to make a scarf. But Phil doubted it. 

Meanwhile, Dan peered around the bookshelf set up across from the front door. He sniffed the books, pulling one out in particular. "This one's called 'Retiring From Magic Gracefully.' What if she's retired, and got rid of all her magic stuff?"

Phil chewed on his lip. "Well... let’s just hope that’s not the case. Anyways, if you were a witch, would you ever want to stop?"

He had a point. "Let’s go downstairs," Dan decided, nodding to some stairs in the corner of the room. "Maybe she has a kitchen or something. Think you could use 'nage' in a pie?"

—-

You should not use nage in a pie. 

They descended the stairs. At the bottom, they opened up to a large room crowded with shelves, counters, and in the center, a large black cauldron. Cooking books crowded the shelves, packed almost as tightly as the books in the library had been. A bag of flour had been knocked over on the floor, and little paw prints lead out of it. 

"A cat?" Dan asked, looking at the prints. 

Phil squatted, looking closer. "They look a little too big for a cat. Maybe a dog?" 

"That’s the only thing that would make this quest worthwhile." Dan scanned a drying rack of herbs, smiling when his eyes caught on one. "Hey, good news. I found nage." 

Phil walked over, looking at what Dan pointed at. It was a little green stalk with black leaves, or maybe flowers...

Phil's stomach turned as he looked closer, and the image clicked into place. "They’re.... leeches." 

Sure enough, the leaves moved. They were slimy, sucky, squiggly, leeches. 

"Ew! You get them Phil, I don’t want to touch them!" 

"You get the nage and stoke, I get the gourd and time," Phil reminded. "Look around, maybe there’s a bag or something you can use." 

Dan made a disgusted face, but managed to get a cloth bag and stuff a few stalks of the leeches in it, closing it by pulling the drawstring tightly. "You have to carry it though. You’re the magic guy, I only play with a sword."

"Fine." Phil took the bag. "Just don’t play with your sword when I’m around, please." 

Dan wrinkled his nose in disgust. "That sounds really bad."

Phil could feel his face heat up. "What? I just meant-"

"Yeah, I know what you meant, but it still sounds really nasty."

"I found the gourd!" Phil announced, trying to change the subject. "It looks like dirt. But it's not alive, see? Only two more to go."

They managed to find the other two ingredients with only a few setbacks and bad innuendoes. In fact, they almost managed to make it out of the place scot free, when Dan turned around a little too fast, and knocked a large wine bottle containing bright orange liquid over. It fell to the ground and shattered, one of the pieces of glass hardly missing him. 

"Dan?" 

"Fine," Dan called back, leaning over to look at the stuff. "Phil, look at this. It’s bubbling." 

"That doesn’t sound good." Phil came over, peering over Dan's head so he could see. Unfortunately, at that same moment Dan stood. He accidentally head butted Phil, and in Dan’s attempt to grab him before he fell, they both toppled forwards into the potion. 

Phil opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. He blinked hard. Everything seemed so much bigger than before. He was laying on the ground, yes, but it was as if everything in the room had grown to be three times the size. 

"Just so you know," Dan said a little bit away. "I completely blame you." 

Phil pulled himself to his feet, but he hardly went up at all. What was going on? Had he shrunk?

Phil looked down, and almost passed out. He _had_ shrunk.... sort of. 

A brown calico cat stood up, eye level with Phil. "Did everything just get really big, or-" 

Phil looked down. Where his hands had been were now orange, fluffy, adorable.... paws. 

Dan screamed, but it was more of an angry _MREOW!_ "Do you realize what just happened? We’re.... we’re..."

"Cats!" Phil finished for him, testing out all four of his feet. He’d never felt so balanced. "I don’t know whether this is a good thing, or...."

"Um, excuse me?" The brown calico- that would be Dan- turned and looked at Phil indignantly. "How is this fair? How come you get to be the orange tabby?" 

Phil strolled over to a nearby mirror, checking himself out. He was lean, with short orange fur and subtle stripes. He flicked his tail, trying it out. It was as natural as moving his arm. "I’m a handsome cat," he decided. "And I guess I’m a ginger because that’s my natural hair color. Normally, I wouldn’t go for it but... what do you think? Does it suit me?" He struck a pose, but Dan seemed to be focusing on something else. 

"Um? Phil, we’re.... we're freaking cats!" He looked in the mirror, so in shock he could hardly move. His fur was covered in brown and black splotches, save for a white stomach. His brown eyes were wide with shock.

Phil looked back at himself. His own eyes looked back at him, still as blue as they had been when he was human. Slung across his shoulder was a little sash, like the type scouts wear to display their badges. On it were miniature versions of the items he’d been holding, or carrying in his pockets, including the newfound ingredients, and the scrap of paper with the recipe on it, wrapped up tightly like a scroll. 

 

Unfortunately, Phil did not have more time to look at himself in the mirror. Because that’s when they heard the dog. 

They were on their feet and across the room before Phil could say _Puppy!_

"Why am I running away?" Dan asked, still running. "I want to see the doggo!"

They sped through an open doorway, into a more conventional kitchen. Leaping onto the table gracefully, they backed up, watching with worry. 

"I bet it’s our feline instincts," Phil guessed. "Did you know that kittens don’t open their eyes until they’re a week old?" 

"Fascinating! How do we get out of here?"

Phil didn’t have time to respond, because that’s that’s when the dog barreled around the corner. It was the cutest, most malicious corgi they’d ever seen. 

It barked loudly, running up to the table and jumping. It made it almost high enough to see Dan and Phil, but not nearly high enough to get _on_ the table. 

"That’s right!" Dan mocked over the edge of the table. "That’s what you get for having stubby legs!" 

The corgi jumped again, snarling and biting, almost getting Dan. He howled, jumping backwards. 

"Did he get you?" Phil asked with worry. 

"No! But he almost did!"

Dan had made such a noise of protest and pain, one would think he’d been mortally wounded. Mocking? Overreacting? Dan was acting more and more like a cat every moment. 

The corgi backed up, like he was going to take a running start. Then, he sprinted forwards, golden fur flowing and black eyes glistening, and he leaned onto a chair and then directly onto the table. 

Phil practically hurled himself off the ledge. His instincts kicked in, and just like that he was on the ground, on his feet, and running at full force to get away. He leapt onto a stool, but overshot, instead hurling himself over it like the most graceful and most stupid Olympic hurdler. 

He looked around, hoping Dan hadn’t noticed. Luckily, he was too busy running for his life, the corgi snarling and snapping at him, right on his tail. 

Phil looked around for an escape. His eyes caught on an open window, right by the table. Why hadn’t he noticed it before? 

"Dan! The window!" 

"A window? Phil, we’re in a basement!" 

He was right, but at the same time, that window _was_ there. Outside, he could see the pink sky go lavender, meaning the sun was setting. "It’s a window! And it’s open, come on Dan!" 

"Um, I’m kind of busy!" Dan leapt onto the table, but couldn’t turn to get to the window, not with the corgi nipping at his heels. 

"I’ll distract him!" Phil decided. "You jump! We should be on the first floor, and cats always land on their feet anyways!" 

Phil launched himself forwards, colliding with the corgi. He jumped to his feet and ran in the opposite direction, the corgi immediately getting up and chasing after him. The dog was a little dizzy from running the other direction, and ended up sliding into the closed dishwasher, but he was back on his heels in no time. 

Meanwhile, Dan just stood in front of the window, frozen in place. "Jump! I can’t do this all day!" Phil called, feeling his legs stumble beneath him. 

"I can’t!" Dan cried back.

"Why not?"

"It’s so far Phil! And I’m... and I'm..." 

"You’re what?"

"I’m afraid of heights!" Dan admitted, his voice breaking at the end of his sentence. 

Phil almost slammed into the wall. "You’ve gotta be kitten me! Since when?"

"Since the Japan trip!" Dan admitted shamefully. "The tower! It scared the shit out of me!"

"Good time to have a litter box," Phil thought out loud. "Just go a little closer Dan, maybe it’ll make you less nervous!"

Dan scooted closer. "Like this?"

"Closer!" Phil was getting tired fast. The corgi snapping at him, far too close for comfort. 

Dan scooted closer to the edge. "This good?"

"Purr-fect!" Phil kicked the dog the jaw, leant up on the table, and tackled Dan, right over the windowsill. 

—- 

“I’m never going to forgive you,” Dan sniffled, pawing at some scraps of cloth, trying to form something that resembled a bed. “Never, ever, ever.”

“I saved your life,” Phil reminded him, licking his paws. “The least you could do is thank me.”

Yep- they were still cats. And even as they argued and Dan complained, Dan refused to look at Phil- mostly because he was incredibly adorable, and who could be mad at that face?

“I will _not_ thank you for throwing me off a window ledge,” Dan decided. “Especially not after you found out about my deathly fear of heights. Where was the consent?”

“I’m sorry for not asking your consent before saving your life,” Phil said, giving in. 

Dan sniffed, better now that he’d gotten an apology. He was such a princess. 

“Are you feline better now?” Phil stretched out, extending and retracting his claws comfortably. 

“Please, no more cat puns.”

“Well, you can say them too. What, cat’s got your tongue?”

“Phil…”

“Now feel free to paws and think about it a bit.” 

“Phil.”

“If you need to, you can tail me later.”

Dan squeezed his eyes closed. He was either trying not to laugh, or trying not to cry. “You done?”

“You tail me.”

Dan slumped to the ground in defeat, giving in. He should’ve known there was no way they could be turned into cats without at least half a dozen puns.

—

The next morning, they woke up back to normal. Phil stretched out his normal human arms and normal human legs, checking to make sure he didn’t have a tail anymore. He sat up, looked over at Dan still curled up on the too small blankets, and smiled.

—

Phil crept along, his feet sloshing in the layer of water on the ground. The sewage leaked into his trainers, making a gross squishing sound. _Eew_. Phil hoped it was just water. 

Hovering above his palms was a swirling blue orb that gave him enough light to see down the dark tunnel. He'd gotten better at this type of simple energy magic, but he could still feel the pull of it, draining his own energy reserves faster than normal. He needed to start bringing granola bars with him or something. 

Phil looked back uncomfortably. He'd had his reserves about wandering down into the sewers, but it was so much worse now that he was actually here. The orb of magical light made him feel a little better- he wasn't completely defenseless. Out of the two of them, Dan was the fighter, but now that Phil had magic he felt a little more… powerful. Granted, when Stephen King’s IT popped out and tried to eat Phil alive, he'd probably still cower.

The thought made him cringe. 

There was a quiet pattering behind him, and Phil tried not to crawl out of his skin. _Please don't be a clown, please don't be a clown…_

He turned around, holding up the orb and trying to pretend not to be scared. 

Nothing. 

Phil turned back around, and shrieked, practically launching himself backward. His orb of light bounced like a basketball, slamming into the wall and splattering into a shiny, blue light puddle. Phil scrambled to his knees, his entire butt and back drenched. 

“Mreow.” 

A black cat sat in front of him, seeming to smile at how he'd made Phil jump. The cat sat on top of the water- literally, on top of the water- and stretched, not getting at all wet. 

“Stupid Jesus cat,” Phil muttered, pushing himself to a standing position. “That was rude.” 

The glow on the wall, no longer attached to a power source, began to fade. “Better make another orb,” Phil decided, raising his hands and concentrating. “What color should this one be? Checkered, perhaps?” 

He swirled his hands around the orb of light that was beginning to form, magical lines reaching around and twisting together in a magical ball of yarn. The cat watched with uncanny interest. 

_Now… checkered._

The ball exploded with the sound of a broken kazoo, and Phil was plunged into darkness. 

Well… not complete darkness. The cat- which Phil was deciding to name Sooki- actually faintly glowed in the dark.

Phil quickly formed another blue ball- he had a lot of those these days- and kept walking, Sooki following alongside him. 

After at least another half kilometer of walking, Sooki stopped and pawed at the wall. Phil stepped closer, reading the words that were faintly ingrained in the stone. 

Does thou art seek the cure of the Desperamos?

“Yes,” Phil answered loudly, his voice echoing through the sewer. 

The cat meowed, gesturing with his head at the stone. Looking closer, Phil saw that there was something more written, and he rubbed away the dirty concealing it. 

Check yes or no. 

Phil dragged his finger along the dirtied stone, a blue check made of light burning into the stone next to yes.

A few steps further, another message appeared. 

Does thou art consider thyself worthy of the spell? Is thou art well trained in magic?

Then, smaller, it wrote Does thou art even lift bro?

“I don't have time for this,” Phil decided. He tried to move his feet, but the walls shifted, trapping him in his place. 

Is thou art too good for a little riddle?

“Let go of me!” Phil whined. His light had dissolved, but the entire section of wall had begun glowing. 

Thou art is selfish. Thou art doesn't have time for a nice, tax-paying wall like mineself.

“You pay taxes?”

Thou mother is a tax! Thyself is a good wall, whom only wants to support mine family! I haveth nine children and a wife!

“How… is that even possible?”

Now listen here, thou insolent maggot. Thou needs to collect the solvent of Jupiter to complete the potion, correcteth?

“Correcteth. I mean… correct.” 

Then thy must solve this riddle: What is black and red and white all over?

Phil blinked. “What?”

Are thine daft? What is black and red and white all over?

“I don't know, what?”

Thine mum! Ha!

Phil growled, trying to pull his feet out of the rocks to no avail. “Hurry, I need to get this ‘Jupiter solvent’ fast! Dan's waiting! 

Oh, so there IS someone else. Who is this ‘Dan’ anyways?

“He's my friend, and if I don't hurry, he'll start to worry about me.”

Don't lieth! There is something special about this Dan, I senseth.

“I'm an English Lit graduate, and I'm very sure you're not even speaking Shakespearean. You're just saying ‘thou’ and adding ‘th’ noises to random words.”

Shutteth up, thy insolent Cracker Jack! I bite my thumb at thee! Now, tell me, who is this Dan boy to you anyways?

Phil bit his lip. He did need to go, soon, before Dan started to worry. “He's my friend. He's… I want to be more than friends, but he isn't really… like that… so, we’re just kind of, friends, you know?” 

The wall took a few moments to create a response, the stone bubbling as it tried to form words. Finally, words emerged; Thou art is a pussy.

“Hey!” 

The Jupiter’s Solvent is the sewage at your feet. American city sewage is one of the most radioactive things on this planet. Now go, and seek out this Dan. Tell him how you feel, blah blah. Letuth me know how it goes.

The wall returned to its original form, the only trace of the conversation being the slight glow coming from it. Phil’s feet were released and he stepped away.

“Ok, um… thanks.” Scooping up some of the sewage in his flask, he turned and hurried back the way he'd come.

Sooki the cat sat on top of the water for a moment, staring at the wall. After a few moments, a new message appeared. 

I totally shipeth it.

\---

“Dan, I found the-” 

“Shh!” Dan was crouched by the side of a large brick building, peering around the corner. “Look at this!” 

Phil hurried over, trying to be quiet. His shoes squished with the sewage, leaving wet footprints in his wake. “What is it?”

“Babies.” Dan narrowed his eyes. “Evil babies.”

Phil peered around the corner, trying to get a good view of- whatever it was they were looking at. 

Dan looked at him. “You see them too, right?”

Actually, Phil had been more preoccupied with the fact that their shoulders were touching. “Hmm?” 

“The… the things! The… eggs!” Dan gestured frantically around the corner. “They're reproducing rapidly. Haven't you noticed there's been a lot more creatures than what came here with us? Within Within a month, they'll overrun the city!” He stopped for air, but before Phil could say anything Dan was speaking again. “You got the solvent?”

Phil nodded. “Yeah. And um, speaking of which, there was this wall…” 

Dan shushed him, flattening against the wall. A few creatures came out from the alley, starting out small but growing to full size quickly. They didn't notice the two boys, instead slipping away and dissolving into shadow.

Dan looked around for more. “We can't stay in an alley again. Maybe another motel? I'll have to do more pickpocketing…” he trailed off, thinking. 

“We could go on one of the rooftops?” Phil offered. “Maybe we could see the creatures from above. See how many there really are.” He'd wanted to tell Dan about what the wall had said, but now that he was right here, he couldn't do it. Dan was his best friend in the whole world, and to Phil’s knowledge, he was /straight/. Phil couldn't handle his rejection. 

But Dan didn't know what Phil was thinking. He looked up to the top of the buildings, and shuddered. For a moment, Phil saw what Dan had looked like as a cat again: the twitchy ears and wide brown eyes. Dan knew he wouldn't get hurt by the fall, but still he wasn’t willing to jump until it was almost too late. 

Dan quickly regained his confident stance. “Yeah, sure.” His voice only shook shook a little. 

“We don't have to-” 

“No.” Dan tried for a confident smile. “I think you're right. It's our best option. We can get ready, you can make the potion or at least prepare to, and then tomorrow we can figure out the best way to kill the creatures. This is our best chance.”

\----

It was midnight. No, it must have been later. It was two, three in the morning, so late that Phil could hardly keep his eyes open but he knew he had to, had to stay awake. 

They'd climbed onto the top of a building- they used the fire escape of course, so it wasn't that difficult- and now they prepared for the following days underneath the stars. 

Dan didn't seem too fazed by the lateness of it all. They were both night owls, but sometimes Dan scared Phil with how late he'd stay up. At that moment, he was sitting on the edge of the roof, sharpening his sword against the stone edge with a horrible scraping noise. 

Phil finished getting his things together. He measured out the Jupiter solvent, crumpled up the mismatch of herbs he'd gotten from the witch, and had Dan come over. His sword was made specifically for ‘banishing souls back to their realms’, but apparently, it also worked well as a kitchen knife, mincing up the onion as if it was as soft as butter. Phil gathered the different materials in separate containers. He'd read and reread the recipe for the potion, but still didn't understand most of the lines, especially not the ones describing how to mix them together. 

_Chop them up with which berries and kale dance._  
Use 10-2 meter wavelengths to turn it balmy  
And then screw it all, for the powder palmy 

What was that even supposed to mean? Where did berries and kale dance? Wasn't kale that vegetable? Why was it dancing? And what was ‘balmy’?

“That's it,” Dan decided, breaking Phil’s concentration. “I'm done. I can't do this anymore.” Phil looked at him in confusion. “It's late Phil, and I'm tired. We can finish getting ready in the morning.”

Phil sighed in relief. “Yeah. We need our sleep. Tomorrow, we can get everything together and make a plan, then I'll make the potion so we can get rid of the creatures already.” 

Dan stumbled over to him, dumping his sword on the ground and practically collapsing next to it. “Yeah,” he mumbled dreamily. “Then we can go home.” 

Phil bit his lip. Home. A few days ago, that was the goal. It still was… right? “Yeah. Home.” His voice betrayed him, and for a second, Phil was worried that Dan had heard the doubt in his voice. But when Phil looked over, Dan was already fast asleep. 

\---

Phil did not snore. He did not kick in his sleep, or thrash, or move around or sleepwalk or anything. He did not. But when he opened his eyes, low and behold, he found his back pressed against Dan's chest and almost wanted to cry in exasperation. After everything he'd done, all the emotions he'd repressed, he still couldn't control his subconscious. 

Phil sat up quickly, hoping to move away before Dan woke up. Cheeks red, he looked around, trying to discern what was happening as everything came into focus much too slowly. 

The roof. The morning sky, a dark lilac- it must have been early. The sky was more of a light pink at midday and turned darker and more purple in the evening and morning. So it was… what, six, seven in the morning? The concrete of the roof seemed to glow a light tan, it’s aura more visible the longer Phil stared, as most things in this dimension were. A few feet away, a transparent black mass of shadows pawed at Dan's sword, struggling to pick it up. 

“Ahh!” Phil shrieked screamed, his voice nothing less of manly. Before he could process what was happening, he'd picked up the backpack beside him- the one with the extremely important potion ingredients in it- and chucked it at the beast. The backpack sailed through it, the creature's black eyes following it as it passed through its body. The backpack landed a few feet away, right on the edge of the roof. 

The creature snorted. If shadows could grin, this creature did. It smirked and snatched up Dan's sword in its maw, screeching with joy as it scurried over to the side of the roof and threw itself off. 

“Wait!” Phil got up and lunged to the side of the roof, staring down in horror. The creature landed with hardly a bump and scurried away. “Dan! Get up!” 

Dan groaned, rolling over. “Muuuuuuuuuummmmmmm….”

“Dan!” 

Dan sat up, rubbing his eyes. “Phil? Wha…?” 

Before Phil could warn him, a shadow descended on Dan, knocking him forwards. With a mighty screech, the creature trampled him, sprinting across the roof and leaping past Phil, off the edge. 

Dan sat up, much more awake. “What's going on?!”

“I don't know!” Phil looked down, hoping to see the creature splat at the bottom of the drop. Instead, it stumbled slightly and began sprinting away in the direction of the other one. 

Phil looked closer. On the ground, shadows morphed and shifted, changing forms from creature to darkness seamlessly. They all shot across the ground, all headed in the same direction. 

Something brushed against Phil, and he almost jumped- which would have been very, very bad, what with him leaning over the edge of the building. But it was just Dan, already having woken up and rushed over to see the chaos. “What are they-” 

“Dan!” Phil jumped Dan, and they toppled to the ground as another figure passed by them, so close it almost hit them. 

Dan looked up. His eyes went wide, and he grabbed Phil's shoulders, rolling them away as another creature swooped down. “Where are they all coming from?” 

“The eggs in the alley!” Phil remembered. “I just didn't think they'd hatch so fast!” 

“Stupid blobs!” Dan shouted up at the sky, shaking his fist. “Let me sleep!” 

“Dan!” Phil grabbed him, pushing him to the ground as another creature leaped over. For a moment, everything was in slow motion. Phil pressed Dan into the ground, his hands on his friend’s shoulders. The creature was so close that Phil could feel his hair move in the wind it created. 

Then it was gone, and Phil was stuck in place, just trying to catch his breath. 

His cheeks were very pink, there was no doubt about that. Phil focused on breathing, not bothering to move for a moment until he looked down and saw Dan trying not to laugh beneath him, and Phil rolled to the side. 

“Wow,” Dan said, clearly making fun of him. “What a hero.” 

“It was flying right at you!” Phil defended. 

Dan looked like he wanted to press the matter further, maybe make a few more jokes, but more and more creatures were appearing every second. It was hard to see where they were as they changed form, turning from black swirls that seemed almost solid to forms that seemed completely made of gas. Another creature appeared on the roof- who knows where from- and solidified into the shape of a water buffalo, black eyes glowing against its stark black fur as it stampeded do forwards. One of its hooves hit Phil's backpack and it skidding across the roof with impressive force, thudding against the ledge. Phil cringed. If the recipe was torn, or one of the containers broke….

Dan ran a hand through his hair. He looked more awake as if just realizing what all was happening. “They're going to a central force. Something's…. something's calling them.”

Phil’s throat was made of chalk. “Something's calling them?”

“They didn't attack us,” Dan observed. “They were too busy running towards that thing.”

“Or away from something else,” Phil realized. “Do you think… do you think they're being chased?”

They looked to the horizon, to where all of the creatures were coming from. Nothing out of the ordinary, except for the shifting in shadows. It was hard to see where the creatures were unless they were practically on top of you, and even then, distinguishing their bodies in any way was near impossible. That's why we need the potion, Phil realized. So we can see them.

Another creature formed from shadows, bursting past them in a gust of wind. Yet it paid practically no attention to them at all, as if they were beneath the creatures notice.

“I guess it has priorities,” Phil realized. “And we’re just low on the list.” 

“Sounds about right. We're here in this world for one reason- to destroy them- and we're beneath their notice. Great. We’re still irrelevant.” 

Phil turned, the truth sinking in. “We have to find where they're going.” Another one rushed past them, making Phil stumble forwards. “Dan- we need to get out here!” 

Dan didn't question him, just swallowed, nodding. “Okay. Okay. Where do we- do we climb down the fire escape? It'd be slow, and I… I still don't like heights, but-” 

Phil shook his head. “No. Too slow.” He looked at the sky. “Dan?” 

“What?” 

“You trust me, right? Because you're not going to like this.” 

All the color drained from Dan’s face. “I'm not going to jump. Phil, those creatures-” 

“I'm not asking you to jump!” Phil tapped his hands against his leg, looking in the clouds for one to appear. “Just to trust me.”

“I trust you,” he said, though his voice shook. “Phil?” 

“I wasn't supposed to use magic last night because of the light,” Phil remembered. Dan grabbed his hand, pulling him away as another creature roared past. The wind assaulted them, making their clothes whip against their skin. “Because the creatures are like moths, they're drawn to light! It's still dark, it could…” 

“Phil?” 

“Close your eyes!”

Dan squeezed his eyes shut, cringing into himself as more creatures stormed past them, the hissing of laughter and thunder of hooves shaking their whole bodies. “They're closed! Phil, what are-” 

“Trust me!” More creatures were appearing, whipping past them. But Phil had to ignore them. He closed his eyes, raising his hands in front of him and summoning an orb of light. This time, however, it wasn't a light blue-glowing orb- this time, it was a ball of white hot fire, so bright it hurt Phil’s eyes even as they were closed. 

\---

It took longer than it should have. 

The wind whipped around them, tearing at their clothes. Dan hugged himself tightly, just trying to keep his eyes shut and keep from flying off the building. And Phil- well, Phil concentrated. 

He was in a white room. It was empty except for him. His clothes- which in real life, were filthy- were washed and clean, and stark white. He wasn't in the wind, with monsters shooting past him. He was in a clean room, with nothing to worry about and nothing to fear. 

Phil willed the fluorescent lights of the room to turn on. Slowly, they did, until the natural lighting was replaced with the factory made whiteness. Phil willed them to get brighter. It had to be bright, so bright that the being Phil was looking for could see it, so bright that it would hurt to look at unless you were a creature of the sun. 

He could feel his energy drain, being sucked into the orb of light he created. Already, he was becoming weak, and he hadn’t even made the potion yet! How would he have the energy to make it when the time came?

The light dimmed slightly. _No,_ Phil thought, willing it to return to its prior luminescence. No self-doubt. He couldn’t afford for this not to work. 

The wind seemed to hit harder, and more randomly. Phil tried to ignore it until he realized. 

"Dan!" 

"What!" 

"Keep your eyes closed!" 

"Okay!" Dan’s voice was slightly unsure, but his words weren’t. _I trust you._

Now Phil just had to hope that his plan was worth trusting in. 

He held a hand over his eyes, and slowly, allowed himself to open them again. Even with his hand covering the worst of the brightness, the intense light made him squint and blink. 

Phil turned to his left and almost forgot how to breathe. 

The beast was huge, with a serpentine body glistening in shades of emerald and lime. It had landed on the roof, it’s snakelike body curled slightly, it’s tail with small fins flapping in discomfort. It didn’t like being on land, and it made sense; this was a creature of the sky. 

Tied around its midsection was a little pink balloon with a smiley face drawn on it. Phil decided not to question it. 

It’s huge mocha eyes were trained on the orb of light, almost in a trance. But it wasn’t going to stay long, nor could Phil keep up the magic for long. 

"Dan, I’m going to lead you over to something, and you’re going to have to sit on it. Hold on tightly, no matter what. I’ll tell you when you can open your eyes, okay?" 

Dan was sweating, from the heat from the intense light, or from nerves, Phil didn’t know. But he did know that his light was dimming and that the serpent wasn’t going to stick around for long. 

He led Dan over, helping him to straddle the neck of the serpent, and find good gripes. Dan clutched on desperately, his chest held tightly against the serpent’s back. Phil hoped desperately that his plan would work. Otherwise.... well, otherwise they were toast. It was a long way down. 

Phil hefted the backpack over his shoulders. "Okay... Marsha. Yeah, you look like a Marsha. You think you could help us o-"

As if flipping a switch, the orb dissolved into the air without a trace. Marsha puffed out some pink flames in agitation, hiccuping aggressively and taking off. 

"Wait!" Phil ran and jumped, just barely grabbing onto the end of Marsha's tail as she shot into the sky. 

 

—-  
It turns out, the sky serpents were not made to be ridden. Phil wished he’d realized that earlier, but it was a little too late now. 

They shot through the sky as if propelled by rockets, much faster than reasonable. Phil jostled around aggressively, barely managing to hold on to the slippery scales of the monster. It didn’t help that Dan was screaming at the top of his lungs. Phil would’ve given him more warning, but he didn’t realize how fast Marsha was. 

"Phil Lester! When I get my hands on you-" 

"Don’t worry Dan, we’re fine! You can open your eyes now!" 

Dan was quiet for a few moments. Then he began screaming again, somehow even _louder_ than before. 

"Ahhhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Ahhh-hhh-hhh-wwww!" 

The shot through a thick layer of clouds, and slowed suddenly, making Phil’s head hurt.

They floated gracefully above the clouds, the serpent's body seeming to swim through the sky gracefully. Hanging onto the tail wasn’t the best method of transport, but it was far better now that they’d slowed. 

The morning sky was a lovely shade of pink. Below them, clouds tinted a much lighter shade of pink swirled gracefully. It was beautiful. 

"Lester!" 

Dan was still holding onto the serpent's body tightly, clutching onto it like a koala. "I’m going to freaking end you! You know I’m afraid of heights!" 

Phil rolled his eyes, just glad to be alive. "We have to get to wherever the creatures are going, and this was the fastest way."

"We could have taken the freaking subway!" 

Phil's face fell. "Oh. Yeah, I guess that would've worked too." 

"Phil! How are we getting off of this thing?" 

They were swimming gracefully through the pink sky, and as far as Phil could tell, they were going in the right direction. The swam to the edge of the cloud bank and were able to look down at the city below them. "Wow," Phil exhaled. "What a view." 

"We’re going to die!" 

Marsha didn’t seem to like Dan’s yelling. She flapped her tail agitatedly, and Phil realized what it was a moment too late.

Marsha hiccuped, the violent convulsion making her entire body spasm, especially at her neck. Dan was launched up, just enough to lose his grip, and he was falling. 

"Dan!" Phil screamed. 

Dan let loose a bloodcurdling scream, grabbing onto the serpent's body desperately for a hold, and then he was hanging, by one hand. 

"Dan! Hold on!" 

"You don't think that’s what I’m trying to do?" His voice shook from fear, eyes squeezed so tight his entire face scrunched up as he tried desperately to get a better grip. "Get your magic ready, I’m going to fall!" 

"Hold on!" 

"Get your magic ready, dammit!"

Phil watched his friends dangling body helplessly. He didn’t know how to make someone fly, he’d never tried something like he, he’d probably need a spell or-

His eyes, previously trained on Dan, lowered to the city below them. A mass of darkness had surrounded a large warehouse, pouring in. "The creatures!" Phil realized. "Marsha, to that building!" 

"You named the freaking-" 

Phil blocked out his friend's words, closing his eyes and imagining once more. He _would_ have enough energy, he _would_ be able to use the magic, he _would_ save them. 

_The first step to being a good magic user is believing in yourself. The rest comes after._

Phil believed. He believed in himself. He believed in his magic. And right now, he believed with all his heart that when he opened his eyes, the roof of that building would be lit up like a disco ball. 

Marsha hiccuped in delight and dived. 

—

There was a huge hole in the roof. They didn’t know what was below it, but hopefully whatever it was was softer than the hard asphalt of the top of the building. 

They jumped, Phil taking all the power that was going into making the roof shiny and imaging a huge snowbank in the building below. A nice, soft landing, so they could land as snow angels instead of pancakes. 

And then- the impact. It was jarring and made Phil’s legs ache something horrible, but they weren’t pancakes. 

Dan groaned in pain. “We have to stop jumping into holes when we don’t know what’s at the bottom. What is this stuff?” 

Phil opened his eyes, blinking in the change of lighting. They were in…. a bowl of some kind, huge and metallic. Underneath them was a light tan sticky substance...

...And a thin layer of frost. Phil smiled proudly. He’d managed a soft snow landing after all. One centimeter of it, but it was something. 

“Is this…” Dan scooped up some of the brown stuff, sniffing it. He considered, then popped a little bit in his mouth. 

“Dan!” Phil warned. 

Dan’s eyes went wide. “It’s pizza dough! That means… we must be in that giant pizza factory!” 

“No!” 

“Yes! Look at this bowl, it’s huge. And that’s pizza dough, I know it. If I have one skill in life, it’s identifying pizza.”

“Someone call Britain’s Got Talent,” Phil remarked dryly, trying to stand up. “What do the creatures want in a pizza factory?”

Dan shrugged. “Dunno. A snack?” 

From outside their bowl, a loud wail bellowed through the factory. 

“Becky!” They said in unison, looking at each other with worry. Struggling to climb over the mushy dough, they made their way over to the rim of the bowl and peered over.

The creatures were everywhere. Dark shadows with only glowing gold eyes to distinguish their bodies, swirling around in such a way that it was impossible to tell which way they were looking, what they were doing; where one ended and another began. 

“Get your potion read,” Dan commanded, his voice low. “I can’t fight these without seeing them.”

Phil bit his lip. The potion remained a mismatch of ingredients in his bag, which, while he was lucky he still had it, were useless unless he figured out how to combine them. But, for the moment, he ignored that, choosing to focus on a different issue. “You need to kill them a specific way?”

“Not kill,” Dan corrected. “Banish back to their realm. They don’t belong here, and if they keep breeding, they’ll overrun this entire world.” 

“Yeah, but you need to do some certain way? With your sword?” 

“Yeah.” Dan didn’t seem to realize what Phil was getting at, still focused on the creatures around the bowl. They snarled and played with each other, from what Phil could tell, while others sniffed around, clearly looking for something. 

_They know their way better than anything else does_ , the old woman had said on the phone. _They’re the only beings you can rely on to always follow through on their destiny._

Had she been talking about the creatures? Before, Phil wouldn’t have been so sure, but now seeing them all in this one place, looking for something…

Phil didn’t have time for those thoughts. “Dan, to kill the creatures you have to use your sword to cut in between their eyes, right?” 

“Yeah?”

“So how do you plan to do that with no sword?”

Dan turned around, looking at Phil like he was crazy. “Come again?”

“On the roof? One of the creatures took the sword.” 

Dan’s eyes were getting increasingly wide. “You mean-”

“Yeah. One of these creatures probably has it. Also, I don’t have the potion. I don5 know if you realized this or not, but I still don’t know what the heck ‘Chop them up with which berries and kale dance’ means.”

Dan put his face in his hands. For a moment, Phil thought he had given up. Then he said something.

“What?” Phil asked, having not heard him. 

“Goddamnit,” Dan muttered. “Phil, you use kale and berries to make smoothies. You put it in a blender, and it chops it up.” 

Phil blinked. “Oh.” 

“Yeah, oh is right you-”

“What about the other lines? The ‘use 10-2 meter wavelengths to turn it balmy’ and stuff?”

“Wavelengths? Like, Gamma Rays?”

Phil snorted. “Mic-ro-wave.”

Dan looked at him like he was a genius. “Phil… I think that might actually be it! Okay, so you blend it, microwave it, and then… I don’t know. But there must be a break room somewhere in this building, you could go and see-”

One of the creatures shrieked shrilly. They were getting more agitated. 

Phil nodded quickly. “But what will you do?” 

Dan’s expression was grim. “Get my sword. Do me a favor, do you think you could light a fire?”

—

There was no blender. 

Phil didn’t know how well Dan was doing, just that there were a lot of shrieks coming from outside the break room. He thought most of them sounded like they came from the creatures, but a few… 

Phil decided to ignore it. 

He found a microwave and a mini-fridge in the break room. Phil tore through the cabinets, searching desperately for a blender when suddenly…

“Aha! Got you!” Phil held up his prize proudly- a blender at least three years old, with a sticky note labeling it ‘Karen’s Kale Smoothie Maker’- and set it on the counter. 

Outside, in the main warehouse came a loud crash. Phil winced. He hoped Dan was alright. 

Dan had scooped up a fistful of pizza dough and had Phil light it ablaze, using the little magic he had left. The idea was that maybe the creatures would be so mesmerized by the light, they’d let him just take his sword back. If not, he could try burning them. Phil desperately wanted the former to work, but based on all the noise coming from the other side of the wall, the latter was more likely. 

He poured all of the precious ingredients into the blender; the Jupiter’s solvent, from the sewer; the ‘chopped source of tears’, aka an onion from the local supermarket; and the herbs from the witch’s basement apartment. It didn’t say how long to microwave it for, so he made his best guess. In the end, it bubbles and turned a nice lime green, the consistency of pudding. 

He stepped out of the room and immediately wanted to turn around and go back. 

The creatures surrounded Dan, who wielding the ball of burning dough in one hand, and his sword in the other. The creatures snapped at him, trying to steal the sword back, but so far they hadn’t had any success. When one got close enough, Dan swiped at it with the blade. Most of the time he missed and the creature retreated, seeming completely unaware of the blade that had just passed through it. But every few moments he’d hit it just right, and the monster would shriek and dissolve into a small puddle of sparkly black goop. 

He was doing well so far, but there were too many creatures, and only one Dan. He wouldn’t last long. 

Dan noticed Phil out of the corner of his eyes. “Did it work?!”

A creature snapped at him and he slashed his sword upwards, hardly bothering it. It snapped again, and Dan repeated the process, this getting lucky and destroying it. 

“It worked!” Phil called back. “I think.”

“Then use it!” 

“How?”

Dan cursed under his breath, waving the burning dough- which had turned to half-baked bread- around himself threateningly. “Figure it out! And hurry, I can't kill them without knowing where to swing at!” 

Phil looked at the lime green gel. “Um… take that!” He threw it, it flying through the air until it hit one of the creatures- and sailed right through. 

The creature screeched in annoyance. 

“Phil! You just violated Becky!” 

“How do you know that one's Becky?” 

Dan started to respond when a creature leapt at his back. They toppled, grappling and fighting against each other, the creature violently thrashing against him. Dan tried to get up, but it jumped him again, scratching and pawing at him. 

Dan thrashed, trying to swing at it, but his sword went right through it, not getting the right angle. “Oh- God- fu- dam-” the creature dragged him over to a corner, throwing him against the ground like a rag doll and pouncing once more. The only consolation was that as Dan failed to harm the creature, it seemed to struggle just as much. Its shadowy teeth couldn't penetrate his skin, it's blackened claws unable to mark any marks. Dan laughed in triumph, realizing this, only to result in the creature pulling his head forwards and slamming it into the ground. 

“Goddam- fuck it! Fuck it!” Dan kicked out, slamming his feet against a big red button on the wall. Above him, a bowl rotated, ready to pour. 

“Watch out!” Phil called out in warning, finally getting his voice back. “It could be boiling hot!” 

Dan gave him such an annoyed expression, Phil took a physical step back. His friend sent him a quick middle finger, as the bowl tipped over. 

But it wasn't a boiling hot mixture. Instead, it was perfect white flour- and it poured out directly onto Dan and the creature. 

Everyone held their breath- both Phil and the creatures waiting to see what happened. Phil slouched against the guardrail, his magic and energy depleted. 

One of the creatures sniffed at the green pudding on the ground; the potion that was supposed to make them visible so they could be defeated. After a few moments of considering it, it swallowed the potion whole, shuddering and retreating, but still completely dark.

Finally, the creature shot out of the flour pile, yelping indignantly, colored completely powdery white. It's body, for once, was completely recognizable: it was a blob of white that shifted and morphed, forming and unforming legs. Its eyes shone emerald green. But most importantly, it was clear to see where the top of its head was, and exactly where the sword needed to slice. 

Dan dragged himself from the flour, gripping onto his sword tightly. He coughed horribly, letting out little puffs of white, before standing and facing the creature. 

It didn't stand a chance. With Dan's new ability to see where he needed to attack, the creature was a puddle on the floor in no time at all. 

He wiped his brow, panting with exertion. Dan’s nose was bleeding, and he was covered from head to toe in flour and speckles of monster goop. Despite all this, he grinned. “Phil… is palm flour a thing?” 

The room was beginning to spin for Phil. He clutched the railing, desperately trying to keep last night's dinner down. “Maybe? I think so.”

“‘And screw it all for the powdery palm,’” Dan recited. “It was the key all along. Palm flour.” 

He didn't have much time to revel in his discovery, however, because by then the creatures’ shock had worn off. They jumped him, and Dan was lost in a dog pile of shadows.

“Dan,” Phil mumbled, his vision going patchy. He'd have lasted longer if he had had breakfast, or if he'd have time to rest in between such big spells, but alas, he'd had neither. In one last desperate attempt to save his friend, Phil summoned up all his remaining energy and prepared to shoot it at the creatures. Would it even work? What if it didn’t? It may pass straight through the monsters and hit Dan instead, but he couldn't just be idle as his friend was attacked… 

Phil felt himself drop to the ground. He had no power left. Dan was going to lose this battle, and there wasn't anything Phil could do. 

/You can do it/, a voice whispered. Phil groaned, he must be hallucinating. _You_ can _do it._

Across the room, Sooki the cat watched him, waiting for him to move.

He pulled together all his strength and aimed again. His aim drifted up slightly, and he shot a blast of white-hot power into the pile of flour. 

Phil rolled onto his back, the corners of his vision going black. The last thing he saw was a snow of white powder, and then everything went black. 

\-----

“Phil. Phil, come on. Wake up.” 

Phil curled his toes. _Why was it so dark?_

_You have to open your eyes, silly._

“Phil, please wake up. Phil, please!”

Phil smiled dreamily. He was so, so silly. He just needed to open his eyes! Ha, ha. Wait- how did he do that again? 

Phil heard a weird noise, some sort of weird breathing. Like…. nose breathing? _Sniffling_ , his brain supplied. 

“You should get a tissue,” he mumbled, head lolling against the ground. “You might have a cold.” 

“Phil! Oh my g- you're okay!”

Phil opened his eyes. It was very bright, very very bright. Dan leaned over him. As Phil’s vision came into focus, he realized Dan was a mess. “What happened to you? You look like you just fought the Pillsbury doughboy.” Phil coughed, the motion painful. His lungs felt like they'd been filled with sand. 

Dan laughed, too happy to speak. Phil didn't understand why. He was truly a mess- white flour was smeared across his whole body, making his hair stick up wildly. The bottom of his nose was caked with dried blood, and the side of his right eye was turning red with bruising. 

He looked really funny all covered in flour. It made his face look paler than normal, all except for a few streaks down his cheeks, where water had apparently washed away the powder. His eyes were a little red, but he laughed with relief. 

Dan helped Phil sit up, feeding him tomato sauce from a coffee mug. He told him about the battle; “...attacked me, swinging and swiping, but I was swinging my sword just as fast…”; and about the prophecy; “...I can't believe that it all came down to pizza flour! All that searching, for the stupid ingredients…”. Phil sat and listened without commenting, allowing Dan to feed him the tomato sauce obediently. Dan told him of his actions too; “...I knew I'd have to cover them in flour somehow, but I had no idea how. Then they jumped me…. if you hadn't completely baby powdered them, I would've been screwed.” He tilted his head to the side, a little off balanced. Flour floated from his hair like dandruff. “Even so, I think I have a concussion, and my nose bled a lot. And my ears have been ringing for a while. I ended up passing out too after I killed them all. Sorry about that.” He shrugged apologetically, though he hadn't stopped smiling since Phil woke up. 

With some food in him, Phil managed to stand with only a little help from Dan. Slowly, they descended the stairs down to the main area, where Dan had been fighting. They were almost at the bottom when Dan stumbled, his legs giving way underneath him, and he collapsed down the stairs, bumping his head against the ground. He rubbed it, smiling comically, but it was clear he was in pain. 

Phil helped him up, and they walked leaning against each other, Dan needed Phil’s support as much as Phil needed Dan’s. 

They retrieved Dan’s sword from the ground, next to an alarming puddle of blood. 

“So what do we do-” Phil started speaking, when Dan's eyes went wide. He shoved Phil to the ground and leapt- intercepting the glowing green creature midair. Becky exploded with a horrible wail, and Dan landed on the ground roughly, sliding a few meters. 

Phil could feel his heartbeat in his temple, his vision going out of focus for a moment before returning. Dan was on his knees, coughing up his lungs. He had done a good job hiding it, but if Dan didn't get medical help soon…

Phil managed to get to his feet, stumbling over to Dan. “I'm fine,” Dan insisted, standing up too quickly. He collapsed backward against a huge control panel on the wall, unintentionally pressing most of the buttons. 

They watched in horror as many things happened at once that wasn't supposed to happen at once; a large mixing bowl was lifted into the air, a vat of sauce was dumped onto the ground, and a machine line started dropping toppings with nothing to catch them. They watched in horror as an alarm went off, and a huge sack of flour was brought across the ceiling and slammed into a mass of pipes. The pipes exploded, chemicals falling to the floor, where they mixed with the glowing green remains of Becky.

They watched in horror as the chemicals popped and fizzed, mixing together into a glowing blue portal. 

“We can go home,” Dan whispered in amazement. 

Phil’s throat felt it was filled with cotton balls. “Yeah. I… guess we can.” 

Dan's eyes were bright. “Back to London. Earth London, with no creatures or potions or heights or serpents named Marsha-” he looked at Phil, only then noticing his expression. “You do want to go home, right?”

Phil felt his face go red. “Well, yeah, I mean…. obviously, I just….” he looked back at Dan and lost the ability to speak. Dan, with his hair covered in flour. Dan, with his new found fear of heights. Dan, swinging the magic sword like he'd been born to do just that. He couldn't lie to him. “I want to stay,” he admitted. “This… adventure has been hard, but I feel like I was meant to be here. I want to learn how to use my powers. Actually use them, and not pass out after two spells.” He snorted, looking at his feet. “And I understand if you want to go home.” 

He didn't look up at Dan. He'd made his choice- now it was was time for Dan to make his. 

“I want to go home,” Dan admitted. 

They were silent for a few moments. Phil nodded slowly. “Then I guess we should… say goodbye?” 

“Fuck.” 

Phil looked up at Dan in surprise. 

“Fuck!” Dan said again, more angrily. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck fu-” 

“What's wrong?” Dan looked like he was in serious pain, his eyes squeezed shut, leaning heavily against the controls. “Dan, what's-” 

Before he could finish his sentence, Dan had grabbed his shirt collar and yanked him forwards, smashing their lips together in a forceful kiss. Closed mouth, nothing too invasive, but a kiss nonetheless. Angry. No, not angry- frustrated. Then Dan pushed him away. 

“I'm sorry,” he was saying immediately. “I had to do that. I couldn't leave without-” 

Phil stepped forwards, shutting him up with another kiss. This one was less innocent, now that they both knew they wanted it. Phil pushed him against the control panel, cupping his face in his hands as they kissed deeply, refusing to break apart. Dan's hands wrapped around his waist, only pulling him closer. 

They kissed for too long. Dan needed to go, but neither wanted to break apart. Finally, Phil remembered and pulled away sharply, gasping for air. 

“You have to go, the portal will-” he turned and stopped. The portal was gone. 

“-close,” Dan finished for him. “I know. I saw it close. Phil… I'm staying right here.”

Phil didn't have time to process his words, because right at that moment, the factory doors burst open. 

\----

At first, they refused to be loaded into separate ambulances, but then Dan fainted and Phil decided he'd rather Dan be taken care of than stay with him. Still, it was hard letting go. Now that he had Dan, he didn't want to ever leave him. 

In his ambulance, they gave him some medicine that made everything fuzzy. When it wore off, a day had passed, and he was in a hospital bed in a hospital gown assumably in a hospital. 

He had more questions than the nurses had answers, and they chided him for using his voice, which was brittle from disuse and raw as a side effect of the medication. But Dan was fine, they promised, already awake and aware. Phil was taking longer to heal, as his injuries were a result of overextending his magic. The nurse suggested making sure to eat a hearty breakfast, and keeping some protein bars on hand. 

“Now please rest. You can see Dan a little bit later, after you're both feeling better.”

“But-” 

“You need to give your voice a rest. I can answer more questions later.” 

Phil nodded but had one more question to ask.

“How did the ambulance know to come and get us?” 

She furrowed her brows.

“You didn't call? It was from an anonymous number inside the factory. I suppose someone saw that you needed help.” 

“But-” 

It was just then that Phil noticed they weren't alone in the room. Behind the nurse, on a small table sat a black cat.

Sooki had always seemed smarter than most cats. Always hanging around them, helping find clues and other things they wouldn't have otherwise noticed. She always seemed to have their best interests in mind. 

_Thank you,_ Phil mouthed. 

Sooki blinked. Then she dipped her head down, like a little nod. 

_You're welcome._


End file.
